Navigating disclosures of family violence
Call 000 in an emergency or if you or someone else is in immediate danger.
It is never easy to talk about family violence. Refer to pages 5 and 6 of the Community Resource Guide to Family Violence for tips on how to speak with someone about family violence and/or how to sensitively handle disclosures of family violence.
The most important thing you can do is let the person impacted know you are there to support them. You can play an important role in someone’s journey to safety.
Other disclosure resources
The 1800 RESPECT guide covers how to respond to people who have been impacted by family and sexual violence.
Quick disclosure roadmap
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Believe the person's experience
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Thanks for sharing your experience with me
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That sounds like a terrible experience
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I imagine it has taken a lot of courage for you to share your story with me
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Condemn the use of violence, but not the person using violence
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No one should have to experience what you have been through
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Be open and honest, including about your skills and knowledge
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I don’t have any special training in helping people with experiences like yours, but I can give you contact details for people who do
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Establish whether there is an immediate risk to the safety of the person disclosing, their children or anyone else
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Do you feel safe going home tonight? Are you concerned about this person hurting you today?
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Provide options for the person to seek specialist support if required (sometimes a person just wants you to know and understand that this has occurred and is not necessarily looking for assistance)
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I would like to make sure you know where you can get support from trained people; can I provide you with contact details for 1800RESPECT?
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Enable the person to be in control of their decisions. Recognise that it may be more than one conversation for the time to be right for them to seek support.
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What you choose to do with this information is up to you, but I can provide you with contact details for a free specialist service you can contact if you need to
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Provide information on how a person can access referral information. Include a copy of this guide, access to a computer/phone.
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Helpful statements and questions
- What you have described sounds like it could be [a form of] family violence (name it).
- I can understand this might be difficult for you to talk about.
- I am concerned about you and would like to help/support you where I can.
- You (and your kids) deserve to be safe.
- When you said earlier that your partner lashes out at you (or whatever behaviour they’ve described), I’m wondering if you can tell me what that means?
- A family violence service might be able to help you feel safer – would you like me to help you make contact?
- Whatever you choose to do, I am here to support you.
Important to note
- Listen without interruption or judgement. Allow them to speak at their own pace and in their own words.
- Reflect back that the violence is not their fault and it’s never justifiable.
- Believe and validate their experiences.
- Provide information that will support the victim survivor to make their own choices (as much as possible) in what happens next.
- Do not try to figure out why they are experiencing family violence, as this can be experienced as victim-blaming.
The person experiencing family violence might not be ready to take action straight away. They might choose to stay, or they may need more time to make a plan that is right for them. It is important to respect the affected person’s decisions. Be open and honest that you are not a counsellor and do not have skills or training in dealing with disclosures of violence. Let them know about specialist family violence services that can offer professional support.
When supporting someone who may be experiencing family violence, it can be emotionally challenging, so taking care of yourself is essential. Remember to set healthy boundaries by prioritising your own well-being. While your support is valuable, you are not responsible for solving the situation. If you find yourself needing extra support, you can call 1800 RESPECT in the first instance.